too bad you live with your parents still
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
