either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
MIDGETS
????
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
