fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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