Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
as a side note pls kill me
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