How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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