When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
