I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well you can't waste a boner
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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