Duck Duck Cougar?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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