i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
