I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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