you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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