We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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