So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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