I puked a lego.
Say something about gay babies.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
