please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
