why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
