I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
