mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
