theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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