hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
