Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
