three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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