you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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