I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
