Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
