So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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