Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
