Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
