I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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