Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
