I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
