I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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