stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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