why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
