Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize