Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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