i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
