Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
