JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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