Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
