not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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