I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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