I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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