i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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