I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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