When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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