Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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