I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
