I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize