I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
