party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
