It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
