It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
