I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think your dad took our porno
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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