The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize