am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
