so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
