Christians are straight up FREAKS
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
