I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
