Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
