dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
