yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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