I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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