dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize