Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Boobs are out for the taking
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
