Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
