I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
