sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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